hello everyone! second blog entry...im not feeling very great!!! ITS FINE its not anything that serious its just the post summer blues i always get in the second term of the year. To get any sort of more random updates out of the way b4 we get to the topic at hand this is written the day the about page goes live wooooo!! its like the most anticipated one at least to me! i hope you can check it out, i experimented with semi mobile friendliness (emphasis on semi) with some flexbox. i had ahard time but its all a part of the process to get better, im actually planning a full blown webpage revamp. its gonna be done at a snails pace beause im very flip floppy about what has my attention at the moment so i wouldnt expect anything else but slow progress on my part, but i have some stuff in mind mainly turning my art page into a booru style site when my two monkey brain particles figure to setting shimmie2 up roflmao. i think it would be a way more elegant solution to whatever i have now is. but truly expect nothing from me!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyways, now for what the clickbaity article title is talking about. recently i have been finding myself more and more paranoid of being percieved, lately i have been extreeemely irrationally paranoid of becoming known more and therefore being like. more subject to hate? i guess? its stupid!! i know its stupid to have this tought and that the whole point of having websites is to have your little corner if the web where you dont nescesarily need to know youre percieved and it beats the whole purpose of having a public air-out-my-thoughts site if i have anxiety about it this hard but i cant help it and i cant help wallowing in it, i dont know when this came about because i used to be kinda extroverted online back in the day not like that gave me any benefits either except for my current friend group roflmao but thats a talk for never, i guess i was just bored because i barely went outside and didnt talk to anyone irl when it wasnt 100% nescesary so my mind probably yearned for some sort of connection there so i ended up making twitter accounts and joining discords and getting up to no good, and now that i have any sort of semblance of a brain, i also happen to have friends and also go outside and do a bit more than bare minimum there, in a weird twist of fate ive been more isolated from my safety bubble than ever, i barely make any new friends and i cant keep any of the for the life of me, and for some reason i have lost my sparkle and my brain decided to become irrationally afraid of how others percieve me to the point of never letting myself be seen, im constantly paranoid someone will see all i have to show and will come out of the experience with and immense feeling of hate and a great urge of attacking me or something, so i end up shutting myself down and not letting anyone see me at all. which you probably are thinking is some bullshit because you are reading my website which indeed is shown into the world! and im spilling my guts over here, isnt that being vulnerable? isnt that the opposite of what you just described? why then do you have a public presence at all sophie? the answer is because im STUPID.

jk not really, the real answer is as simple as that this is my way of exposure therapy, i guess, these past few days ive been riddled with shitty toughts pertaining to my fear and obsessively checking my site statistics or if im sin sauce to "prepare for the worst" or something and debating wether to move hosts or even keep doing this at all. but at the end of the day i will still update because i remind myself that all of these toughts are either self agrandizingly delusional (in a way, like thinking my little shitty site is worth any sort of negative fanfare or that im even in the mind of anyone who isnt close to me is kind of a delusional take from my part imo). and that even in the situation that im ever pushed algorytmically to more people i dont think i have done anything to get pushback for (untill i get my fat fat ass up and code my yumejoshi page thats when ill start truly posting real cringe), i try to be as sincere as i can here and any sarcastic hater-y comments i make are for truly unserious shit, all the hate i spew is to myself basically rofl, this kinda came into mind the other day on tumblr (my only other public social) where i had a lovely interaction with one of my favorit artists, i was really anxious to send them an ask because i have a weird complex about thinking the people i look up to will hate me but they were really nice acout it, turns out when youre sincere and nice to people they wont hate you for no reason, so i will keep being myself on this site and maybe one day ill be unbothered and nonchalant enough.

anyways, to end on another nice but slightly more autist note, i finally caved in and bought myself an ita bag plus pins and other bullshit on doorzo!!!!!!!!!!!!! bwaaaaahhhhhh!!!!! im so excited!!!!!!! the shipping was kinda expensive and my mom got mad at me LOLLLL but its all with my HARD EARNT COMMSION CASH OKAY!!! cough cough found my oshikatsu addiction here? i cant wait to set it up and bring him everywhere with me....im so brain rotted over him lmfao i love it, everytime im thinking stupid shit like above i end up thinking about him to self soothe and i imaguine him saiuyng nice things to me and [rest of autist rambling omitted for your own posterity]. ill show the items when they arrive!! ^_^

OH random thing idk where to put as well? one day while coding the about page i ended up for NO REASON learning how to extract game assets (way easier than i thought!) and i dumped all the most important assets for sensei i like you so much in the spriters resource, here it is if you want lesbians in HD

anyways. i hope you had fun reading my stupid issues and maybe gained some new perspectiveor something i dont know idk what im talking about most of the time either!!!! but in any case i hope everyone reading this is having and has a lovely day, remember to love yourself okay? mwah. sophie out